As you may have noticed by my weekly weigh ins, I have gained about 10 pounds over the last two months. My head is just not in a good place! I have had too much going on and have been putting my own weight on the back burner and eating my feelings. SIGH! I hate that this is still a problem for me!!!
I don’t know why I was feeling overwhelmed. I had already reduced my responsibilities with WW in May, but it wasn’t enough. I felt like I was constantly thinking/worrying about my meeting and preparing for my meeting, etc. I wasn’t enjoying myself at all, and I felt like I would not be any good to the members if my heart wasn’t in it.
Also, my twin nieces were born 8 weeks premature at the end of May. Of course we were worried about them and trying to spend as much time with them as possible.
On top of that, we have been remodeling our bathroom and trying to get our lives ready to get pregnant ourselves. I just couldn’t take it, so I had to give up leading my own WW meeting in June. I just needed my time back. I felt horrible and even had one member cry when they made the announcement. I knew it was the right move for me, but I still felt guilty and felt I was letting everyone down.
I have struggled with eating when I’m stressed or sad or feeling guilty, and I guess the past two months have been no exception. I know that it doesn’t fix anything but when I am overwhelmed, it’s like making a good food decision is just one decision too many. That is totally silly because it has been almost 3 years, so many of these things are just habits for me now. It’s like I was CHOOSING to eat bad for comfort. I even had a couple occasions of being upset that I didn’t have any “bad” stuff in the house.
I thought after giving up the meeting, the pressure would be off and I’d be able to get back to focusing on myself. I guess that hasn’t been the case because I’m still gaining. I need to get it under control before 10 pounds becomes 20 or 50! I think the other part of my problem is knowing that I want to get pregnant, and I don’t want to “diet” while I’m pregnant and hurt the baby. Logically I know that I don’t need to worry about that at this stage but it’s there in the back of my mind telling me to eat at maintenance level instead of losing level. It’s crazy how much our self talk can affect our actions. It’s like the angel and devil on your shoulders. The angel says I need to get myself healthy and lose these 10 pounds and the devil says I should focus on eating what would be good for the baby. Um, hello, I’m NOT pregnant! We are going to start trying….it could be months or years. I know better but I’m still struggling with it! UGH! Maybe it’s just an excuse to relax my routine. I don’t know exactly but I am trying to reign it in.