I am no longer employed by WW. I have totally mixed emotions, but the biggest feeling is RELIEF and a sense of freedom. I feel embarrassed and I feel like a bit of a failure, but I’m glad it’s done.
As you know, I had been working a 2nd job at WW for the past year or so. I steadily decreased my hours and responsibilities over the past 5 months but I was still working here and there as a sub. It seemed like every time a shift was coming up, I would dread it and try to find someone to cover for me. That’s not fair to anyone!
Really, what was so tough about working once a month? I DON’T KNOW, but it was stressing me out. I just didn’t want to have to worry about it. I didn’t feel like I was helping any of the members, and I certainly didn’t feel rewarded by it anymore. I finally had a heart to heart with my manager and have decided to give it up altogether.
When I started working for WW, one of the questions they asked us to consider was how we would maintain a focus on our own weight loss journey when we were focused on helping others. I thought that was a ridiculous question. Well, duh, I would just keep doing the same things I had been doing for myself all along, right? Well, when you suddenly have way less time and way more to worry about, those things start to slip. Plus I was spending so much time at WW as an employee, that I certainly didn’t want to go to a meeting (as a member) on my day off.
I feel like maybe I wasn’t really ready to take something else on yet. I was excited about my results and people kept saying I was motivating and could help others, etc, but maybe I wasn’t done working on me. I didn’t meet the goal I wanted. I just picked a number so I could make lifetime and start working. I hadn’t really learned how to maintain, especially in the face of added stress. Six weeks of “maintenance” to make lifetime wasn’t enough for me. Weight loss had been my focus for so long that when I couldn’t focus on it as much, I started reverting back to old habits. I really wish I had waited until I met my ultimate goal, but of course it’s easy to say that now in hindsight. 🙂
I also think that maybe I didn’t have the right expectations for employment with WW. One of the main reasons I wanted to do it was to help others. People told me that my story was motivating. I quickly learned that leading meetings was not about sharing my story. It was about presenting the topic of the week and trying to get others to share their experiences. I know that is the best format for the meetings, but it was hard for me not to interject my own thoughts and experiences. I was used to sharing a lot as a member, so it was tough not to do that as a leader. I think this blog is a better outlet for me to share my experiences and relate to others more one-on-one. I’m not being told what to say or how to present the information. I’m not worrying about how much I’m talking vs how much the members are talking. I’m not obligated to talk about a topic that I find boring and repetitive. I don’t have to worry how many members I have or worry about selling products. I can just share what is relevant to me in the moment and hope it connects with someone.
My biggest fear now is that I won’t be welcomed at meetings as an ex-employee. I don’t think anyone would be rude, but I feel like I might be judged or something. It might be weird to go to the meetings because I feel embarrassed at how much I’ve been struggling and embarrassed that I couldn’t handle it all. I know I should think of it as a learning experience rather than a failure, but it’s hard to do that. I really need to get back to basics and just start plugging away at my weight loss again. I still want that 100 pound milestone. I thought I’d be there by now…