I have started avoiding social situations, even with family, because I am just so uncomfortable in my own skin. I dread going out to dinner because I just know that people are thinking horrible things about me. (I feel like I’m wearing a flashing neon sign that says “FAT GIRL EATING!”) I don’t feel like getting dressed up or doing my hair because I still look terrible no matter how much primping I do. I am cranky and tired all the time. My fingers look like sausages.
I was really unhappy during these years. Look at me in 2007. Wow. Just wow. Is it the weight making me unhappy or is it the unhappiness that is keeping the weight on? It is probably both, but I am done with it. I have decided that I won’t live like this anymore. I am sick and tired of feeling bad about myself.
I’m over it. I know it will be hard, but my entire life is hard right now. Yep, my Mom had a stroke and is partially paralyzed. Yep, my husband has a back condition that has disabled him. Yep, my Dad has colon cancer. Yep, my brother is probably an alcoholic. Yep, I’ve been in therapy. Yep, I am not where I thought I would be in my life or my career. But guess what? Stuffing my face with donuts and doritos isn’t working for me, so it’s time to stop. I haven’t fixed any of these problems by eating myself into a coma time after time. I’ve been the living example of insanity (doing the same thing and expecting different results).
I don’t know what I’ll have to change or how long it will take, but I am not quitting this time. I am 33 years old. I have too much life to live to be this miserable. Stay tuned…
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